In the same way that football fans passionately love their own team and detest the opposition, you need to take sides. Are you prepared to make a statement with your upper lip? Prove it by brushing your teeth regularly and baring them at anyone who dares to question what you’re growing on your upper jaw. Being a Mustachio involves looking down your nose at lesser tribes, and you can admire your mustache every time you do so. What beards are in style.
Or are you a Beardie? Advantages include feeling really manly (girls can’t grow beards, ha, ha!) and courageous (beards are bold). With so many beard styles to choose from, your beard style can also creatively express your inner you. Yet another reason to feel superior.
Maybe you’re a Cleanie, or Cleanio if you’re feeling Italian. This tribe was for years the biggest, but in recent years lots of its members have defected to join the Beardies and Mustachios. To test the loyalty of a Cleanie/o, just suggest they’re pre-Beardies or pre-Mustachios and see how they react.
Shaving style 2016
Put Beardies, Mustachios and Cleanie/os together in an enclosed space (such as a train carriage) and anyone can feel the tension in the air. It’s only a matter of time before they clash – for example when trying to occupy the only available seat. As in any battle, it pays to choose your weapons carefully. All three tribes have access to modern arms such as the beard trimmer and the electric shaver, and specialist equipment such as precision attachments which are now part of the modern man’s standard toolkit. After all, when engaged in mortal combat, you may as well look your best.
Let the battle of the beard commence…