Since the Celtic Warrior, Sheamus, returned to the WWE the day after WrestleMania, wrestling fans have been giving him flack for his new ‘do, which is a giant mohawk, accented by a braided beard. The fans have been telling the pale Irishmen “you look stupid” every chance they get. Sheamus is obviously one tough dude, but to go through life with that hairstyle? He’s obviously a lot tougher than any of us first thought. In today’s PG–era, it’s not so shocking to hear the fans fearlessly chant about how dumb a wrestler looks. However, years ago, when heels were actually feared, fans wouldn’t dare tell one of these maniacal monsters that they look stupid. Braided beard styles.
Seeing as how Sheamus wasn’t doing all that much to begin with before being put on the shelf, perhaps looking stupid could be the gimmick that catapults him back to the WWE World Heavyweight Title. Over the years, the WWE has gone to great lengths to get wrestlers over, including trying to give them some sort of memorable hairstyle; usually to hilarious results.
Some of these are so bad one could assume that these wrestler’s wound up in Brutus “the Barber” Beefcake’s chair. Read on to see some of the dumbest hairdos in Sports Entertainment History
Honorable Mention – Donald Trump – the WWE Hall of Famer could have easily been number 1 on this list had he appeared more on WWE TV, but his few appearances, including the “Battle of the Billionaires” at WrestleMania 23 more than earn the Donald an honorable mention on this list.
25. Scotty 2 Hotty
Scott Garland was little more than an enhancement talent for most of his career, wrestling under the moniker, Scott Taylor. As Taylor, Garland was your typical white–meat babyface jobber. It wasn’t until Taylor crossed paths with “Too Sexy” Brian Christopher that Taylor became a card carrying member of the Wrestlers with Bad ‘Dos Club. The tag team became Too Much and later Too Cool, but it was Scotty 2 Hotty’s transformation into a “hip” hip–hopper that was really too much. The master of the worm also sported an open bucket hat that shot his hair straight up into very peculiar looking make-shift flat top.
24. Tyson Kidd
Fact–Tyson Kidd is the last graduate of the Hart Dungeon. Fact–Tyson Kidd is one of the best pure wrestlers of his generation. Fact–when you literally can count the number of hairs on your head, it’s a problem. True enough, when Tyson debuted alongside Nattie Neidhart and David Hart Smith as the Hart Dynasty, he also came with a spiked hairdo, with five to ten small spikes at the front of his head. Not sure if he was going for Devil horns or not, but he failed miserably. Luckily, his hairstyle got a little better and he has enjoyed a healthy run in NXT and as a tag team champ with Cesaro ever since.
23. Luna Vachon
Rest her soul and bless her heart, and I would have certainly never told her to her face, but Luna Vachon had some ridiculous hairstyles during her time in the WWE. There was her time as HBK’s manager where she had some sort of bouffant and as Goldust’s manager where she had long braids and the occasional top bun. All of this sounds okay, doesn’t it? Alright, now picture these styles combined with a one-sided shaved head faux-mohawk…exactly, you wouldn’t want to tell a woman with the courage to do that to herself that she looks stupid either. Years later, Natalie Dormer was able to pull the style off (minus the scary veins) for the Hunger Games movies, but for Luna, it just wasn’t happening.
22. Damien Demento
Damien Demento has the distinction of being the answer to the trivia question, “who did The Undertaker beat on the first Monday Night Raw?” He also might hail from the coolest fake wrestling town in history–the Outer Reaches of Your Mind. Alas, these, um, milestones don’t equate to good hair. The guy had a Stone Cold inspired mullet, completely bald on top with a party in the back. It might sound like Demento was just an obscure wrestler hailing from an obscure place, losing to the Deadman. Well he was and luckily his hairstyle was never to be seen again.
21. The British Bulldog
During the mid–eighties, there weren’t many teams better than Davey Boy Smith and the Dynamite Kid, the British Bulldogs, as the two Hart Dungeon graduates might simply be the greatest tag team of all time. Usually, in a tag team, one guy has all the power and the other guy has all of the skill (re: the Hart Foundation), but Davey Boy and Dynamite each had the power and the skill. Where could you go wrong with that? How about in the early nineties, when Davey Boy came back with a hairstyle that only Whoopie Goldberg could love. Armed with braided long locks, naturally held together by beads the color of the Union Jack, the battling Brit took the look one step dumber when he added a top knot that would friz up as time went on in each of his matches, none more prominent than the 1992 Royal Rumble, where Davey Boy entered at number 1 and subjugated us to his bad hair for almost 25 minutes, before being tossed by Ric Flair.
Braided beard styles
20. The Red Rooster
It’s no wonder the World Wildlife Fund sued to get the WWE to change its name. With its collection of dragons, snakes, weasels, bulldogs, birds, and bees, one might be confused between the two. However, no animal mascot or animalistic wrestler could strike fear into the heart of his opponents like…the Red Rooster?? Terry Taylor was an accomplished hand in the early days of his career in the NWA. Once the WWE came calling, Taylor traded in his name and skill for a gimmick as a wrestler who needed a lot of coaching from his manager, Bobby “the Brain” Heenan. Once the Rooster had enough and broke away from “the Weasel,” his hair troubles began – he decided to push the Rooster gimmick to its foregone conclusion, dyeing a small tuft of hair red and spiking it straight up to look like …you guessed it, a rooster.
19. Paul Heyman
Before he began to lose his hair, the “psycho yuppie from hell,” known once as Paul E. Dangerously had a fairly modest mullet, which was nothing to make fun of (it was a staple of the 80’s) or be scared of. But when he dropped the Dangerously and began using his real name, Heyman started wearing a baseball cap, knowing full well he was more than just thinning at the top. Unfortunately, no one told him the rest of his hair was not only holding on for dear life, but growing at an exponential rate. I guess since he owned the company, no ECW guy grabbed Heyman’s rat tail. When he moved on to the WWE, Heyman applied a scissors hold to most of his tail, but left just enough to somehow even look worse than when the tail was longer.
18. Enzo Amore
If this is what a certified G and a bonafide stud looks like, we’re in a lot of trouble. As one half of the Realest Guys in the Room, Enzo Amore serves as sort of a master of ceremonies–delivering the same opening to his promo every night and getting the crowd to “sing along,” Sadly, someone needs to tell Enzo his hair looks pretty stupid, but maybe they don’t because his near–seven–foot friend, Colin Cassady might hurt you. As if Enzo’s shaved–on–the–sides, teased up top, long in the back ‘do wasn’t horrendous enough, Enzo decided the leopard look was in and added dyed leopard spots to the shaved portions of his head. Add a hideous blond beard to accent the nest on top of his head, you have the worst hairstyle in NXT and one of the worst ‘dos in wrestling history.
17. Triple H
What do Metallica and The Game have in common? Besides a love of Lemmy and Motorhead, neither the rock Gods nor the wrestling legend should have cut their hair. Triple H, finally giving into his corporate duties, chopped off his trademark long locks, like Metallica did in the 90s. It’s not necessarily bad, it’s just very off–putting, similar to The Undertaker’s characte, as the Triple H character needs to have long scraggily hair when heading into battle, not a short military cut.
WWE Hall of Famer Carlos Colon was known for putting Puerto Rico on the map as a solid wrestling city with his promotion, the World Wrestling Council, and for his epic matches against the likes of Ric Flair and Abdullah the Butcher. It seemed only natural to train his son, Carlos Jr. Sadly, he never explained to Carlito that you probably shouldn’t aspire to look like Sideshow Bob. While Carlos was a rough and tumble competitor known for bloody brawls and highly respected throughout the industry, Carlito’s time in the WWE was never taken seriously, thanks in part to his bad attitude backstage, but his ridiculous hairstyle couldn’t have helped as fans and fellow competitors alike could never have taken him seriously. Maybe if his voice was dubbed by Kelsey Grammer…
In the months leading up to his debut at In Your House: Badd Blood 1997, Paul Bearer had been telling The Undertaker (and the fans) that The Deadman’s younger brother, the horrifically burned and scarred Kane, would be coming for him. With all sorts of scars and marks on him, we wondered for the next few years what the Big Red Machine looked like underneath the mask. The question was answered on June 23
, 2003, when after losing a WWE championship match to Triple H, Kane was forced to unmask. How grotesque was the monster? How terribly scarred was The Undertaker’s brother? Actually not burned at all, as it turned out Kane simply had a bad haircut, with the top third of his head being bald and the rest having a tuft of hair. He pretty much shaved it immediately, but for that first reveal, Kane earns a spot on the ugly hairstyle list.
14. Koko B. Ware
The theme song for this energetic competitor proudly proclaimed, “Everybody get up off your feet, put your hands together and do the bird with me!” The song was so cheesy, it could only come out of 1980s–era wrestling. As for The Birdman’s hairstyle–there is no era that flat top should have ever been allowed. Sporting a classic flat top isn’t bad by itself, it’s just the fact that Koko dyed his hair to match that of his pet Macaw, Frankie. Luckily for the WWE, Koko was the first and only man to have this bad hairstyle.
15. Rocky Maivia
I’m sure both the WWE and Dwayne “the Rock” Johnson wouldn’t like to admit it, but while The Rock is now truly “the Most Electrifying Man in Sports and Entertainment,” he didn’t always look the part. He debuted at the 1996 Survivor Series to a raucous Madison Square Garden crowd. Over the next few months, Rocky and commentators alike tried to get him over as “the Blue Chipper,” but to no avail. Perhaps it was because of his ridiculous hair, of which is an undefinable hairstyle, possible befitting of a pineapple, but certainly not becoming of The Great One. Thankfully, he turned heel quickly and adopted a classier ‘do.
12. Kwee Wee
Imagine being trained by the double tough “Mr #1derphul” Paul Orndoff. Imagine getting set to make your Monday Nitro debut. It must have been exciting for Allan Funk (no relation to Terry & Dory), until he was given hot neon pink to wear and everybody knows that pink is only for wrestlers with the Hart surname. Maybe he went crazy at the thought, or maybe he never listened to his mother as a child, but Funk decided to stick his finger in a socket and Kwee Wee’s distinctive hairstyle was born. The guy looked like a really bad male version of our next entry.
11. Bull Nakano
I think it’s safe to say that all wrestling fans could agree that Bobby “the Brain” Heenan’s commentating made every match he worked better. Every time he’d mispronounce Bull Naka–naka–naka–no, it would become a badge of honor for the fierce Japanese competitor. In the days before the Attitude Era, Nakano was the most creative competitor on the roster (Randy Orton’s rope assisted DDT and Paige’s PTO both were innovated by Nakano), but it was hair that made her the most memorable–she looked like she could be in Kid ‘n Play, or a real life Super Saiyan.
10. Taka Michinoku
Taka Michinoku came to the WWE to be the answer to all of the Cruiserweights dominating in WCW. His incredible in-ring ability should have garnered him more fame and more titles than just the WWE Light Heavyweight title. However, considering he had an awful blond dye job and gelled spiked ‘do aiming downward before joining, Taka’s days in the WWE were numbered. Seeing as how the Japanese star had a reverse Tyson Kidd hairstyle long before Tyson ever stepped foot in the ring, it’s no wonder Taka was never taken seriously.
9. Michael Cole
The bad blond dye jobs were everywhere during the late nineties and well into the early–aughts. In the WWE, the frosted–tip look came in the form of the debuting Michael Cole. As if fans don’t bag on him enough, he certainly gave the WWE Universe chum in the waters with this look. A former war correspondent before he ever came to the announcing table, it’s always been hard to take Cole seriously and accept him as the voice of the company. With his boy band hairstyle, it’s easy to see why.
When the fans chant “you look stupid,” you know you have a bad hairstyle, but they could have just as easily been chanting it since the Celtic Warrior started. He’s had bad hair since day one; first with a giant red charger style that made him look like the video game character Knuckles. Now he has a giant red mohawk that makes him look…well, stupid.
7. The Undertaker
Chris Jericho once called The Phenom, the Madonna of the WWE. The Undertaker knows how to stay relevant in the ever changing world of wrestling, but sadly his hair doesn’t always know what it should be doing. When it was long, it was one thing, but whenever the Deadman get a trim, the trouble starts. First, the American Bad Ass had a short respectable hairstyle but when paired with his trademark bandana, after a long grueling match, it would look like a bouffant that a 1950s housewife might have. It took a few years to grow back into something reminiscent of The Undertaker, only for him to chop it all off again and have a flat mohawk that only Mr. T (or Mr. T’s mother) could love.
6. Chris Jericho
Speaking of Jericho, it’s quite possible that every single hairstyle Y2J has had has been an awful one. Usually played up for effect since he was heel, some of the Ayatollah of Rock and Rolla’s hairdos are still unforgivable. First there’s the ultra–thin top knot pony tail Jericho had when he debuted in the WWE, complete with long stringy beard. Or how about the side ponytail he rocked while dueling with Cruiserweights in WCW? Still not bad enough for you? How about when Chris Jericho headlined WrestleMania X8 against Triple H and he looked like he dipped the ends of his tail in Kool–Aid? Howeverm The biggest offense came when Jericho trimmed his long hair and had a weird ‘not short enough to be short but not long enough to tie back’ hairdo. Jericho might be one of the GOATs of the industry, but not in the hairstyle department.
Braided beard styles
5. The Nasty Boys
When you hail from the mean streets of Nastyville (which is beyond the outskirts of Dudleyville) and you threaten to bring your opponents to “pity city,” you better be able be able to fight. And when you’re sporting not just a mohawk and not just a mullet, but mullet-hawk haircuts, you’re just asking for a fight. That’s exactly the hairstyle that adorns the heads of the Nasty Boys, Jerry Sags and Brian Knobbs to this very day. Luckily, “Nastisizing the WWE” didn’t mean spreading this hairstyle around.
4. Brodus Clay
If there’s one thing we can all take away from reading this list, it’s that mohawks in wrestling are all pretty stupid looking, but the Funkasaurus is the most egregious offender. Clay didn’t just have spikes, he had them rubber banded individually at one point. When not banded together, Clay’s hair looked like a side view of Tyson Kidd or Taka’s bad ‘dos. However, it was towards the end of his run in the WWE, when Clay went even farther to the bad ‘hawk style and had Adam Durwitz from the Counting Crows inspired Mohawk dreadlocks.
3. Hulk Hogan/ “Stunning” Steve Austin
For all of those “Monday Nyquil” skits that “Superstar” Steve Austin would pull on ECW Hardcore TV, one would have thought that the future “Stone Cold” hated guys like Eric Bischoff and Hulk Hogan. However, if that were true, Austin would have never had the same hairstyle as the leader of Hulkamania, would he? Both men had long flowing blond locks and both men had thinning hair up top. Hogan to this day, still holds onto what little hair he has left and covers the top of his head with a bandana. Austin luckily smartened up and started shaving his head. That, combined with the Austin 3:16 speech, would help catapult Stone Cold and the WWE to new heights Hogan could only dream of. But until that time, he and Hogan were deadlocked in a tie for the same hairstyle, which is one of the worst in pro wrestling history.
2. The Powers of Pain
For the most part, painted faces and bad hairstyles go together in wrestling and in the Road Warriors retrospective documentary, Joe “Animal” Laurinaitis described the reason for the Legion of Doom’s hairstyle. Hawk thought it would look as if the two guys ran right into each other. Hawk had a double mohawk and Animal had the original classic mohawk. So why did the Powers of Pain make this list and not the LOD? Because the Warlord and the Barbarian were an obvious Legion of Doom ripoff and had the bad hair to match. Combine the wannabe LOD hair with Warlord’s one black hawk/one red hawk look and you have the number two entry on the list.
1. The Missing Link
Only a guy with the name of The Missing Link could be worthy of having the worst hairstyle in wrestling history. Born Byron James John Robertson, that name became all but forgotten when he painted his face green, his eyes black and blue, and shaved random parts of his head. He barely spoke and when he did, it was gibberish, so naturally, he had Bobby “the Brain” Heenan to translate for him. One of the early originators of the diving head-butt and running elbows takes the crown of the worst hairstyle in sports entertainment.