Ever since I could remember, I’ve wanted facial hair. The thought of running my fingers through face pubes had always induced a little perspiration. It wasn’t until I befriended a kid named Puberty that I finally achieved my childhood dream of sporting hair around my lips. Best facial hair styles.
Since then, I’ve been a confident man who doesn’t back down from anything. I attribute my mustache to most of my recent good fortunes, like attending Indiana University and not gaining the dreaded “Freshman 15."
With that being said, I have committed my academic time recently to studying and documenting many styles of facial hair. So, without further adieu, let me lead you through the nation's current top five styles of facial hair.
5. The Question Mark.
Hey man, not everyone is socially “with it”, and if that is your case, then this style is just for you! A question mark wrapped around one’s lips exclaims one thing: “I don’t know what is going on.” I’d also recommend this facial hair style to private detectives.
4. The Basement Dweller.
Your mom was wrong when she said you’re going nowhere in life. She doesn’t know you at all, let alone a rocking facial hair style. Connecting your head hair with your facial hair is the quickest way to achieving eternal happiness and a bedroom in your parents’ basement.
3. The Halfster.
You class clown, you. Your beard is really funny because it's half bushy, half shaven. This style is so funny. You got to be really funny to sport this style because it is so zany! Are you funny? If so, this style is for you!
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2. The Batman Symbol.
Single? Bullied throughout your high school years? Lonely? If you said “yes” to at least one of these questions, then this style is right up your alley. With sporting the Batman symbol around your lips, you are proving to your high school bullies that you are, in fact, still the same loser they picked on.
1. The “I’ve Given Up On Everything And Plan On Living Alone For The Rest Of My Life”.
Having a soulmate is so overrated. What better way of proclaiming that then rocking this facial hair style?! With growing your beard out as long as it possibly can, you are sending a message to the ladies that subtlety says, “Stay away.” Having three cats and multiple subscriptions to adult websites is the way of the future and you, my friend, are already there!
So there you have it, the top 5 facial hair styles currently in the nation. Do you see yourself having any of these styles? If yes, what the hell are you doing. Grab your razor, and SHAVE. Then again, if you have any form of facial hair, do yourself a favor and just shave it all off. Trust me, "testing it out" could quickly turn you into one of these dudes...
Colton Underwood's season of "The Bachelor" premieres on January 7, and we couldn't be more excited! And since Chris Harrison has yet to declare Colton's journey "the most dramatic ever," why not take the drama into your own hands and kick the fun of watching up a notch?
Grab your girls (and guys!) and start a competition of your own with our printable "The Bachelor" bracket. All you have to do is print it out and fill in your predictions before the season starts. Then, after you watch each week, add up your points according to our scoring guidelines.
If you're looking for some insider information about the 30 women competing for Colton as you fill in your bracket, we've got you covered:
Your Monday night viewing parties just got a lot more interesting!
You're probably living under a rock if you have yet to hear about Netflix's newest original film "Bird Box". With Sandra Bullock as the lead, there was never really any doubt it would be worth watching, but now that it's finally streamable it can be said with absolute certainty. It is yet another to be added to the long list of book adaptations that do not disappoint. For anyone who has yet to carve out two hours of their day for this film, now is the time to clear your schedule.
The movie takes on a plot similar to that of A Quiet Place, but this time instead of losing the freedom to speak or make noise, the characters are forced to avoid opening their eyes whenever they're outside. If they are unlucky enough to open their eyes and look at the mysterious creatures, they instantly commit suicide, with no explanation. Despite this sounding like a bizarre plotline, there are some definite plot twists and it ends up being more than another horror movie that's scariest moments were already shown in the trailer. The talented cast including Sarah Paulson, John Malkovich, "Moonlight"'s Trevante Rhodes and Danielle Macdonald, star of "Dumplin'" made it easy to believe the on-screen chemistry between characters an truly empathize with their circumstances.
Sandra Bullock's character, Malorie, is hard to relate to and difficult to sympathize with early on but you quickly root for her survival in the post-apocalyptic world she is thrown into. Though there are some gratuitous gory and gruesome scenes, there is a larger focus on the characters than on trying to make the audience jump as many times as possible. Malorie's efforts to help her two children, Boy and Girl, survive essentially on her own makes this more of a story about the ability of human beings, women in particular, to survive even in the most difficult circumstances. It focuses on family dynamics and the tough choices people face in times of need.
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The fear it produces in the audience is harder to achieve than simply having monsters jump out of closets. It forces each person to imagine how they would manage navigating the world without their sight and whether they would be willing to sacrifice themselves for loved ones. Without giving away to much of the plot, the added twist that the monsters do not affect all people in the exact same way keeps you on the edge of your seat desperately hoping the characters can make it to safety.
Even if you aren't someone who enjoys the idea of being scared when you could just as usually watch "Love Actually" for the 10th time this month, just know it will be worth it.